The Confloptus Clock

PHOTO: FEED FLOYD

What time is it?  I forgetfully glance at my wrist as I recall that’s why I quit wearing watches about five cell phones ago.

I glance around the department store I’m in.  Nothing!  Nothing on the walls but posters of smiling perfectly proportioned airbrushed people in fashionable clothes.   I glance at the young man behind me who I thought was talking to voices in his head until I realized he was only conversing on his Blue Tooth.  Does he even realize how mentally unbalanced he sounds I hear my inner self pronounce judgement.

I try and take a sneak look at the octogenarian’s wrist who is deciding between three sets of white towels in linens.  Sheer nakedness.  Not a clock tick to be found.

What a conundrum.  Since when did it become so friggin’ hard to figure out what time it is?

I put my merchandise down in my double stroller cart (it was all they had left).  I look weird putting cookware where toddler bottoms belong.  Anyway, I begin the long laborious task of fishing through the contents of my pocketbook which could also double as a ship’s anchor.

Found it!  Great!

Oh.  It’s dead.

I KNOW!   Dang, I’m so brilliant as a sheer random act of genius courses my synapses!  I’ll head over to jewelry and check out the watches there.  And then I’ll know what time it is for sure.

A random survey of time keeping devices clearly shows with 85% agreement, it’s about 2:00 p.m. give or take a quarter hour.

Wow!   Time flies when you live in a world of technology and distractions.  I do a quick check of how I spent the day from 9:30 am to 2:00 pm and quickly note I managed only to cross three things off my daily REQUIRED “To do” list:

Chat with a good friend about important stuff

Avoid doing housework on my day off

Avoid going to the grocery store for the 2, 174th time as a grown up.

       Come on!  I had to have done more than this.  I pause in the middle of the aisle to think about this.  For how long?  A few seconds?  A minute?   Nope, I’m absolutely certain—I can say without a doubt, I cannot even remember how I spent my time today, much less this week.  I can only say with absolute certainty, your honor, it is now:

  Gone

      We are living our lives at the speed of light, perhaps faster, ever more dependent on devices to keep track of our time, activities, and even manage our friends.  How did this happen?

Texting, Twittering, sending messages and posting random musings and thoughts online and avoiding the reality of face to face, or even phone to phone.    The very technology meant to simplify has instead complicated our lives exponentially.

And now we are all marching lock-step to the time of The Confloptus Clock.  Confloption descends from the Greek word (than you know it’s superior right there, folks) Confloptus which means to upset the equilibrium, to distress harmony, and to create a disturbance.

Ah yes, spending and using up all our time but not keeping the peace. 

Perhaps this is why we all feel like we are living as an ADHD person amped on steroids these days.  We are all trying to do more than one human being is capable of doing in 24 hours.  We quit measuring our time in 30 and 60 minute increments somewhere in the last decade.  Instead, we are all running as fast as we can trying to beat the Confloptus Clock without checking with our brain to distinguish between that which is necessary and that which is irrelevant to either productivity or meaning.

Wishing you well as you plan your day before your last tick tocks!

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