POISON AND WINE – By the Civil Wars
This song simply says it best of all! Such a talented duo!
It happened again. That thing that hurts me to the core. And out of this raw place in my heart, my words came tumbling out. Sometimes our words speak love and all that is good and lovely and pure and true because it comes from the fullest part of our heart that is content and knows what it means to be loved. These words are a sweet wine, a pleasure to taste as they slip quietly into the ether landing in the soft pillows of your ears. Like a chain reaction, your eyes light up and meet mine and for a moment in time, we are one.
All too true, is that sometimes out of the darkest corners of our heart, the mouth speaks. It’s a battle as old as time itself. It’s the words that are born in a place where loss and fear of loss is never more than a whisper away. It’s the trigger button that provides instant recall of something so painful or so scary that when the words come, they don’t self-edit or seek the brain’s permission: Is this a good idea to say this now?
This is the hardest part about being gifted with humanity. We are more than our instincts. We are instinct plus feelings. We deceive ourselves and try to protect our tender hearts, as if hurting the heart of another soul will spare our own. Except that it doesn’t. We spew our poison because our anger, our rage, our fear, our sadness, our insecurities, and any and all of our other weaknesses overtakes us. We get lost in the moment of what we need. We try to take control of a situation or another person because we know at our core, we actually can’t. Still we don’t want to go down without a fight. The poison is out of the bottle. And it spreads like a cancer. Once we pour it out, we can’t pull it back in.
You know. If you’ve ever spilled words out of the poison bottle, you know. It’s a bitterness whose purpose is to get even with another; it’s an ill-fated, ineffective attempt to persuade somebody else that you are right. But in the end, it is your cup to bear, and you drink it….alone.
It’s hard to say words of love when we hurt. When we are afraid. When we’ve been misunderstood or wronged. It’s hard to walk away if you always have to have the last word. It’s hard to stay silent in the face of injustice, inequity, or danger.
But sometimes, the battle is not ours to fight. That’s called letting go. Sometimes we can hold on in life best by intentionally letting go of the need to:
- Say it
- Solve it
- Change it
Inner peace is never found in our external words, but our internal thoughts. I forget this when I speak, but it becomes pretty crystal clear when I write, work on my photography, or spend silent moments with a loving God who created me.
Poison or wine. Which words will you choose to speak today?
Just cause I said it
It doesn’t mean that I meant it
People say crazy things
Just cause I said it
Don’t mean that I mean it
Just cause you heard it… Adele – “Rumour Has It”
….For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Matthew 12:34